Betty

The following article was written by UUCM member Lisa Cramb, communications coordinator at Granite State Independent Living, for the April 2007 issue of the Granite Slate, the organization's quarterly newsletter. Reverend Betty Foster has been a consumer of Granite State Independent Living, a statewide independent living center, since experiencing a stroke in 1993.

To request a copy of the April Granite Slate, please call Lisa Cramb at 603-228-9680 ext. 140, or e-mail lisa.cramb@gsil.org, and for more information about Granite State Independent Living, visit www.gsil.org.

“The longest journey for any person is the journey inward.”
-Dag Hammerskjvld

This quote from Dag Hammerskjvld appears on a poster in Elizabeth (Betty) Foster’s master bathroom. I noticed it after wrapping up my recent interview with Betty, and it spoke volumes to me. Since the day in 1993 when Betty experienced a brain stem hemorrhage, her journey has indeed been long, and it has taken her to the depths of her being.

Betty Foster grew up near New York City. She has been married to the same man, Bob Foster, for 41 years. She has three grown children and three grandchildren. She loves to garden, bake, and observe nature. Betty was ordained as a Unitarian Universalist minister in 1987, when she was in her early 40s, and afterward trained as a Chaplain and Pastoral Counselor. In 1993 Betty was nurturing a one-year-old private pastoral counseling practice in Milford and was on the second draft of her doctoral thesis in pastoral counseling at Andover Newton Theological School when a stroke altered life as she knew it.

I am acquainted with Betty through the Unitarian Universalist Congregation in Milford, New Hampshire where she serves as ministerial associate. I was in the congregation the day that Betty labored through her first public words since the stroke – she delivered a beautiful, introspective reading that she had written, and I recall that the congregation held its collective breath, willing Betty on as she struggled to form and project her words, and to turn the page. When she finished, we were exhausted for her; she was in tears.

Over the course of subsequent years, I have listened to Betty’s readings, each time her speech is more understandable, her words are clearer, her voice is stronger, and she is visibly more relaxed. But I always read along in the order of service because I don’t want to miss her meaning, which is always thoughtful, inspiring, and deep – Betty paints beautiful images with her words.

Betty became involved with Granite State Independent Living soon after the stroke, and she now employs four personal care service providers (PCSPs) who help her with everyday needs such as personal care, shopping and cooking. All of Betty’s employees share her love of nature, and one is also a minister. Betty says the PCA/PCSP program has made a “big difference in her life.” At first, Betty says, she was more dependent on medical assistance – visiting nurses, and physical and occupational therapists. She just was not well enough to consider living “independently.”

Slowly and with a lot of help from family, friends, her church, and people such as Jean Reger and others of Granite State Independent Living, Betty has reclaimed her independence. Betty says, however, that it was scary – she did not believe she would ever be able to live independently. She says, “I considered myself less of a person, and worried that other people saw me as less of a person.” But she learned over time that she was no less human, but that she had to learn to accept her new self, and that she would need support to help her live a life that she defines as independent.

Betty says, “The key to giving things up for me is to say to myself, What do I need to learn from this? How can I be a person who is independent in this situation when I am so dependent on others?” She says, “I have learned to know my limits and push them where I can, for instance, since the stroke, I no longer have a doctorate in mind. Instead I am working on writing for publication – to communicate with other people, not write a thesis.” She is currently working on a collection of articles and meditations that she hopes will offer support and healing to others who have experienced trauma, such as stroke.

Betty says that pushing herself to do something new is her greatest day-to-day challenge. Simply visiting someplace new can be a challenge, for instance, Betty says she must always think about accessibility – how she will get in, use the bathroom, move around – and how she will eat, if a meal is involved, because, she says, it can get messy and she sometimes chokes.

Betty also writes for publication, writes – and delivers – meditations and readings at UU churches in Milford and West Chesterfield, NH and Ashby, MA, and recently hosted her first major social gathering since the stroke, a surprise 65^th birthday party for Bob with more than 20 family members and friends. She refers, with her distinct, almost mischievous humor, to her new entertaining style as, “Martha Stewart meets Buddhist detachment.” In a nutshell, she says, “I used to be a perfectionist, and still am, but I’ve had to learn to be more accepting of myself and others, and I am continuing to learn how to be more independent.” Humor, she says, helps a lot.

Betty’s newest challenge is to ride her new “Joyrider” tricycle – a Christmas gift from her husband, Bob. The trike, manufactured by Trailmate, Inc. of Bradenton, Florida, is designed for teens and adults with disabilities. Betty says it has taken the efforts of several people to help her learn how to use the trike; to help her transfer from chair to seat; and to figure out how to keep her right foot on the pedal (a hook-and-loop strap did the trick). She is excited that the trike will give her more freedom to move and travel greater distances outdoors, but, she says, “My dream is to ride around my house and see the garden.”

Nature occupies a special place in Betty’s life. She served as chaplain for a local Girl Scout camp for several years following her stroke, where, she says, “Themes of nature healing the human spirit were abundant.” Her dining room table looks out on her back yard to the woods beyond and provides inspiration for her writing. Betty’s minister’s stole is adorned with butterflies because, she says, “Butterflies push themselves out of their chrysalises and fly around. They are beautiful and colorful, and when they are ready, the take off and fly away; they are a metaphor for my spirit.”